First off, happy end of Ramadan everyone! First blog of October, hope everyone's pumped for Halloween. I know some people who are not.... Christians!
All jokes aside, this is the first post of a series of blogs following my search for Jesus. I'm not the religious type, so this is just my personal choice to better myself through some new perspectives.
Last night I went to a church to see if I could gain something from the experience. I gained a lot of positive, but the vibe at times seemed hostile towards me, who came (at first) as more of an observer.
To start at the beginning the reason I came with family-friend Anna to La Rey, a mostly Hispanic, Spanish speaking church, was because my new friend on my bus told me I'm going to Hell. This would offend average Joe, but I've been around Christians before, and laughed it off. I made a joke on how he spoke of praying and God, but then made a lot of vulgar statements. He asked me if I believe in God, I said no, and than he asked what do I believe in. I told him "a lot of things", and tried to explain what I think the "All That Is" of what he, and many other people say is "God". That's when he gave me the shit-face, and told me that I'm going to Hell when I die, and I'm not sure he was playing around. I know why he thought that, and continued the conversation. He told me that he goes to the same church my mother goes to, and that he's been going there for only 4 weeks, yet spoke of it with such passion. He had a hunch, and told me to come tonight, to the youth group where Pastor Frank spoke. What the hell, I see myself as an open minded person, I'll give it a shot.
It seemed like everything was at either extreme, really good or really bad. In the church, there seemed to be very humble individuals, who where very welcoming. It started with praise and warship as they called it, but it looked a lot like rocking out to their favorite songs. There was this one dude in the front who ran along the stage from one side to the other, headbanging, and jumping. 20 minutes in, this black clad, dread-locked individual was soaked in sweat. I didn't know if it would be appropriate to give the stage Devil horns, and scream "fuck yea!" to the guitarist, so I resisted.
At first I felt very much out of my element, Anna and her group brought me to the front of the stairs to the stage to watch the show and enjoy the music. The musicians weren't bad, the drummer brought good effect when the pastor came to preach. Pastor Frank kept the vibe going, preaching in a steady rhythm. He spoke of harmony, and love, the more beautiful side of Christianity. Then he made some comments that could have been taken as offensive to those who were not AS into it.
I almost thought he was speaking right at me (I'll admit to laughing a few times as people screamed out, and threw themselves on the floor, but you couldn't hear it over the music!) than I realized there was a few people behind me sitting, who weren't thrashing or raging in the name of God. He made two comments, that pegged them as the outsider, and said "this is not for you", in a way that was so blatantly negative. Maybe he was trying to get them out of their seats, but he was more effective in making them leave. It seemed unloving, and out of place, but no one but me seemed to take it that way when I was talking to the regular church-goers after the service.
Still, the energy in the room built up in ecstatic nostalgia. It reminded me of the rock concerts I've attended. People cried during the ballads, and they fist pumped during the faster jams. Anna told me that if I don't move, the Devil has me held. This was before she, and many others, fell to the floor crying, and screaming. I wonder if a mosh pit has ever started in a church.
What made me relax was how similar Christianity, and the Laws of The Universe are. Yea I said it. At one point I realized that no one was there for God, but rather what they could gain from being in this room. Which, to them was priceless. It was an outer body experience for the whole room. This is their venue, and the pastor was their rock star. It was being a part of something bigger than all of us, like being a fan, like alignment with Source. Source is their God, just like Alla is for the Muslims. The pastor said if you release, and feel good tonight than you will get all of your dreams to come true. That just a dream could feed a nation. He asked all of us if we felt that we were satisfied with what we've done with our lives, in other words if we were to die today, would we be o.k with it. Everyone in the room was young, so the majority of people where bound to raise their hand. It was close to the preachings of Abraham, and just like Abraham can seem arrogant in its teachings, so can Christians.
I teared up at one point, and was asked to stand at the front. The pastor prayed for me, witch I was, for the most part, O.K with. Then they started to heard those who where prayed over into a room to ask for our information. I felt imposed upon, and left. After the service, they chased me down. It was uncomfortable, and I told them. It seems like Jesus is an excuse to be rude. They insisted I come to a BBQ they where holding, kinda like the way time share people work. I told them I'm a strict vegetarian, and they told me to just bless my food. By that point, I was up and ready to leave.
In the car, me and Anna got into a conversation about music. She said, and I quote, "All music is from Satan." She told me that the Devil brought music with him when he rebelled from God, and that the church was trying to bring music to the good it should be. Mind you, me and Anna are not close, she does not know the music I listen to. But me equating the experience I just had with the power I feel when I watch musical acts offended her so deeply, that she spoke to me with such content. It was frustrating, because while I was waiting for the invitation slip to the BBQ, I heard a preacher say "The devil will have you think Christians think they're so better". From the beginning I decided to take the passive road, tonight was not about my beliefs, so I sat back and let her ramble. At one point she contradicted herself, and I told her I don't understand. She told me "you wouldn't" and left it at that.
This morning, I feel a lot better about the whole thing. Its in the past, and really was worth it. Life is all about experience, and if you can learn and experience something new, take the opportunity. I don't hold anything that happened last night against Christians as a whole, I'm just not joining the fan club any time soon. Its not my life style, and just because I don't fall under any category of religion doesn't make my lifestyle, or any person's lifestyle, wrong. Your not going to Hell kids, just enjoy your life with no chains. Don't hold yourself down by holding too tightly to ANY beliefs. In the end, we have this over-developed brain for the purpose of question everything, and driving ourselves mad with what we can't see. Just sit back, and make sure to never take yourself to seriously.
Questions for the commenters: What do you believe in? Jesus a false icon, or are you on the Spiritualist train? Are you the praying type, or is science your squeeze?
with a softer heart from the smallish wave
lilwave
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